so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize
