I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
