hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
