I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
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