i think my tv is drunk
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
