She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
