Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
