I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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