Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
