Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
