There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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