I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
