He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Randomize
