which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
