I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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