i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Liz is crying about burritos again.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Randomize
