When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
So much Jack, so little girl.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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