i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
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