John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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