oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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