Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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