So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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