you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
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