i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
