too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Randomize
