Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
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