but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Life is so much better after having sex.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Randomize
