So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Randomize
