I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
