Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
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