Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Randomize
