Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
