Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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