we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Randomize
