i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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