if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
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