Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
