He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Randomize