hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
