the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
