so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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