I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
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