We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
