I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize