My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
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