you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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