I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
