Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
