I can feel you judging me through the phone.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
