i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
