Apparently you make a good broom.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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