he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
