Soap is not a condiment
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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