my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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