Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
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