and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
