Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
