I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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