my mouth tastes like poor choices
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
