I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
