No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
