I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Randomize
