i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
