im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Randomize
