My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
