i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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