just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
and you fell through a lawn chair
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
