I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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