Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
this will be a night to untag.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Randomize
