o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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