I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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