Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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