I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
