He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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