I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize