Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
