Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
