chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
