I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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