I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize