summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize