she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
