Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
