names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
