i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
