anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
