you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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