I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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