don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Randomize
