Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Randomize
