Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Randomize
