your thong is hanging out like whoa
Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
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