Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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