marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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