no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize