i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Randomize
