Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
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