her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
A bitchslap is in order.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize