why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
