no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
If I die, sorry about rent.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
