I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Randomize
