I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Randomize
