O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
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